If I can be honest, I don’t like the process.
The process that puts me in less than comfortable situations where I’m forced to come to the end of myself. The process that calls for me to bend and stretch beyond my comfort zone while He strategically preps me for His zone.
I’ve been known to fill my agenda with finding my own way using self reliant methods that have led me from dead ends to wrong turns creating the very mountains and barriers that keep me from knowing the intimate places of His heart.
There’s been a collection of trenches that I have dug to stow away solutions to the very circumstances that only He can provide. Times where I refused to loosen my grip on the very things that He wants me to simply let go of so that I may see the abundance that He is keeping for me.
I’m not a fan of being prepped for greater, or the lack of certainty that puts me in a tailspin of anxiety where I resort to cowering instead of holding on tighter to my faith, falling on my face, and surrendering all that I am for all that He is.
So, If I can be honest, transparent, and downright blunt in this moment, sometimes trusting the process, His process, IS JUST TOO HARD.
…it is in the process that He shows me all that He wants me to know about who He is.
Excuse me while I pick myself up from the tantrum that I just had.
I must say, however, the Lord is revealing to me that, as much as I dislike the process, it is in the process that He shows me all that He wants me to know about who He Is. It’s where He meets my very needs, where He uses my brokenness for greatness, and where I surrender all of me in exchange for all of He.
The place where He takes these broken, tattered pieces of me, and mends it all together, restoring me into something and someone much stronger. He leaves me with my figurative scars only to remind me of the spiritual tussles that have left me blessed, but disabled of ever thinking so much of myself that I don’t feel the deep need to trust the process and even more so in my Heavenly Father.
He’s showing me that His process is where He gives me pieces of my purpose and glimpses of His Glory.
So although my flesh loathes the process, my spirit thrives in the process.
My spirit leaps for joy with anticipation awaiting what’s to come. The Holy Spirit reassures me that the pressure that’s being applied is only meant to grow me, restore me, and to bring God glory.
The Spirit knows that within this mess of me He has planted seeds to birth the best me. Seeds that can only grow when my soil is turned and prepped for the very environment where God’s love and His purpose collide with the surrendered me.
The process. Or as I call it, the place where Jesus brings broken me, unimpressive me, and sometimes disobedient little ol’ me to my knees and at His feet. It is in this place that I am never the same.
So, my hope is that I learn to wholeheartedly welcome the processes that God presents. That I can simply smile when my wardrobe of joy warrants the confused stares of those who merely see my circumstances during the processes that may seem less than ideal. My prayer is that I learn to love the process because it is in the process through my obedience and surrender that He reveals the grand details of His plans for my life. And friend, I want a front row seat each time it happens.
“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”
James 1:2-4 The Message (MSG)
Until next time friend,
Abisha
